Sofia Vergara Anus Joke
Sofia Vergara has been a star on Modern Family for eight seasons now and with each one, she has shined through her cast of equally as funny actors. That’s why it was so disappointing to see the actress once again use her accent as the main punchline of a joke when she came out on the stage as a presenter. Bottom line: Sofia Vergara’s accent joke at the 2017 Golden Globes wasn’t funny, and shows more than ever that it’s time to move on from the tired joke at the actress’s expense.
At an awards show that is presented by the Hollywood Foreign Press Association, showcasing a joke that pokes fun at the actress’s accent is even more uncalled for than usual. Vergara has been a prominent member of the entertainment industry for years and by now, she has more than earned the right to not have to read butt jokes that at the same time make fun of her accent at the Golden Globes. Back in 2012, Vergara told a reporter from TheLatinBug.com that she’s grateful to be a Latin actress in Hollywood and that “everybody is used to an accent here and there,” and while that may be true, that hasn’t really stopped people from making her the butt of the joke because of her accent. And it’s really time to move on from tha
Celebrity: Sofia Vergara
Warnings: M/F, Cons, Oral, Masturbation, Big Tits
By now, I could write a book with all the….encounters I have had with actresses in the last two years. And if the day came where I forgot all my integrity and wrote one, an issue I would have to address is how I “lasted” so long before and during my trysts. I can’t answer myself, since even I don’t know how I did.
But I am no super human after all, as my urges can still overpower me; if only a bit less frequently than it would for anyone else in my position. Yet my perfection was lost soon after I got my invite to the “Modern Family” set in August 2010.
“Modern Family” had joined “Glee” as freshman comedy hits that would square off at the Emmys next month. But it was focused on starting its second season right now, and I got a peek at the action before any regular fans could. This time I would head to Los Angeles to work for two weeks, on my first fake documentary comedy series since “The Office” started it all 22 months ago.
I had gathered a lot of experience since then in more ways than one. If anyone else knew how much, they would probably ask about my time with Christina before the others. I loved them all equally, yet I would understand her being brought up first, given her jaw-dropping dimensions.
There was only one other woman on TV with dimensions like that, and I was now on her set as well.
Sofia Vergara was broadcast TV’s answer to Christina; if Christina was Columbian, mixed up her English and wasn’t in serious drama. Other than that, they each headlined the most acclaimed shows in their respective genres, and had redefined the accepted figure of women on TV. If Christina hadn’t shown the folly of those limitations before, Sofia’s equally unbelievable figure had to have finished the job.
Since I had already been intimate with such a goddess before, it logically shouldn’t have been intimidating to get glimpses of Sofia. But the problem was that I had been intimate with such a goddess before, and I had a better idea of what that oh-so-voluptuous body might look like undressed. That was also simpler to ignore when I was just starting to hook up with actresses I admired. Yet now that it was becoming a habit, it was easier to imagine happening.
“Modern Family” was about three separate branches of a family tree, so Sofia wasn’t shooting scenes any more than the others. Yet I still saw her more than enough on the first week to make it harder for me not to gawk. I could just focus on her face and not what was below it, yet even that happened to be sexy, cute and funny; often at the same time. And since she was actually a comedic scene-stealer; with her occasional mispronounced words being intentionally and unintentionally funny; there was no way to ignore her.
I did manage to hold my ground while helping her and talking to her, but I still needed to do it for another week. Since I was more conscious of how I wanted to get close to her, and that I knew it could happen with the right circumstances, this would be a hard task. As such, I took drastic measures when the following Monday started.
I went into the men’s bathroom on the set, made sure no one was around and then entered a stall to take care of business. I had never masturbated to fantasies of my crushes while I was on the set with them before. The Christina experience certainly proved how easily one could get caught masturbating on set. However, I figured it was worth a shot to change my routine.
I stood in front of the toilet and unzipped my pants, taking my dick out to point it at the bowl. That would be a good place to dispose of the evidence of this, and so I sent forth to get it out. I jacked off slowly to start off, yet I knew I had to hurry this up, so my imagination got working as my hand got faster.
With my own fantasies of a naked Sofia combined with all the shots of her in a swimsuit that I found on the Internet, it didn’t take long for me to get revved up. Once I envisioned her taking her swimsuit off in front of me, making her giant tits stick out and swaying her wide, sultry hips, I knew this wouldn’t take much longer. Picturing me rubbing myself right up against her naked form was an added bonus; and it was enough to make me start talking.
“Oh fuck, Sofia….fuck me hard, Sofia, fuck me till I cum…” I wasn’t even this much of a dirty talker when I was with the others. But I really wanted to get this done quicker so no one would be the wiser. And after I muttered “Fuck me, Sofia” a few more times, I got the work done.
I somehow made sure that all of my cum landed in the toilet and that none got in my pants. Once I more fully recovered, I wiped my cock dry, flushed the toilet and exited to wash my hands thoroughly. I got out of the bathroom and saw no one nearby, so I concluded I was in the clear.
With that relief taken care of, I approached the rest of the day with much more confidence. I did my tasks perfectly and even took care of a thing or two for Sofia without feeling awkward; or at least more awkward than I expected. I knew that masturbating before work wouldn’t get me through every day, although it did work for this one and could probably carry me through the next few.
So I felt confident on Tuesday morning when I had to deliver the day’s revised script pages to Sofia. I headed over to her dressing room, knowing from past experience to just knock on the door right away. “May I come in?”
After hearing a “Si” from behind the door, I felt safe to go inside. Sofia was sitting on her chair with her full attention at me, so I steeled myself and just handed her the script pages. “Here’s what they have for you today. I’m sure it should be mistake free this time.”
“Thank you, I’m sure it will be too,” she replied in her imitable accent.
“Is there anything else I can help with while I’m here?” I asked, trying not to be pushy and knowing this could be a calculated risk. But I still had a job to do and actually doing it would help more than anything.
“No, I’m all good, thank you,” she reassured. Well, at least I made the effort.
“Okay, I should head off then. I’ll be available if you change your mind, though,” I promised as I turned to the door.
“So you won’t be in the restroom, then?” And there was the calculated risk by staying a while longer. But that could still mean anything, although I really doubted it.
“No, um, I think I can hold it for a while longer,” I answered while not bothering to move or look at Sofia.
“Are you sure? It didn’t sound like it when I walked by the restroom and heard you call out my name.”
That inspired panic in me for a lot of reasons. But for some other reason, my first worry was that if Sofia heard me, others might have as well; others who could reprimand me or report me to someone who would. “God, did anyone else hear me?” I asked before I realized I had just incriminated myself.
“Ah ha! They didn’t, but I just did hear you again!” While she raised her voice, there wasn’t a large amount of fury in it; yet that didn’t reassure me. I just hit my head on the door a few times before I finally thought of something to say. “Can I say I’m sorry before you throw me out of here?”
“I could have done that days ago, and you are still here anyway.”
“Until you got the chance to yell at me in private….but I swear I’ve never done that before, just so you know.” That was actually the truth, since I never masturbated to them until I left the set before now. So maybe that would help a little bit. “I’ve worked with a lot of gorgeous, sexy actresses in the last two years and I never….did that because of them on set before. I’m usually much better than this.”
“But you weren’t this time because of me?” I heard Sofia ask, although I still had my back turned to her.
“Unfortunately….not that it’s your fault. I mean, I even held myself together around Christina Hendricks, and-“ I stopped myself before I went any further into that and betrayed Christina’s trust. But I left the “and” hanging, so I had to revise my sentence. “And she was just like you. But that’s still no excuse.”
“Well….if I got mad at every man on set who was jerking to me, I’d only have to work with women.” That sounded a little reassuring, yet I still didn’t budge. “Come on, you can look at me!”
“Looking at you is how I got in this mess,” I answered. To that, I actually heard her laugh, and I had to chuckle once I got the joke I accidentally made too. “You’re right, that is true,” she admitted a bit lightly. With the mood lightened a bit, I finally turned to see her standing up by her chair.
“I know I make guys do that all the time; how could I not? I mean, look at me!” she said, sounding less conceited than how the words looked.
“Again, kind of the problem for me,” I reminded her.
“Stop saying it’s a problem. It’s nothing that hasn’t been done for my whole career, I just heard it this time. At least now I have a job where I can make them laugh too.”
“Well, you deserve more professionalism and credit for that. I am sorry if this wasn’t funny to you,” I apologized again.
“Actually, some of your noises were a little funny,” she conceded. Since I was lost in my own little world in the bathroom, I didn’t know or recall how I sounded anyway. “You really weezeyed out that last ‘fuck me, Sofia.”
She probably meant to say wheezed out, but I got the point either way. “I usually sound better than that….I guess it further proves how much you got me going. Or that I really needed to finish before I got caught…like it made it a difference anyway.”
Sofia chuckled and smiled knowingly, which was probably as good a note to leave on as any. “Well, I promise I will contain myself from now on, at least while I’m here. Thank you for letting me live, and, uh, good luck today.”
“You too,” she wished. But if I stayed there longer to look at her and revel at how she didn’t hate me, luck wouldn’t be enough to help me contain myself. So I resumed work and tried not to think about how scenes like that usually set up…bigger ones later for me. Yet reminding myself not to think about it didn’t help either.
I turned my brain off enough to still get my jobs done for the day, and I looked forward to turning it back on once I got home. My last job for the night was to touch up the green room for tomorrow’s guest stars, which would take about five minutes.
But I was into minute three when I heard the door knock. I wondered why the bosses would check up on me already; until I heard “May I come in?” from a voice that wasn’t the bosses.
“Sofia? Uh, um, sure, come in.” I drew my mind blank before she came in, or else it would be filled with dirty theories on why she could be here.
“I just wanted to make sure we were good before I left,” she answered. So I turned my brain off just enough to answer, “I’m fine, thanks.” Then I turned it on a bit more when I realized something. “Wait, I….do what I did over you, and you’re the one that wants to make sure we’re good?”
“I said I’m all right with that, I’m a big girl! And not just in the ways you know about,” she actually joked. “You were still trying to be a gentleman about it, so I was hoping you weren’t too upset or guilty.”
“Well, I think I’ll get by. But thank you for trying to make it easier,” I complimented.
“It is something that you went out of your way to apologize and show the respect to me. Not many others who jerk to me might do that. But you have both the gentleman side and the naughty, dirty one to you too. I mean, if thinking of me made you that bothered, you must have imagined me doing some really bad things.”
“Not…really bad ones,” I tread carefully. “Just….imagining you naked helped do it.”
“But you called on me as the one to fuck you,” she cut to the point. “So I must have been in control, then. Even in your mind.”
My mind was nearly shot after she said “fuck you” like that, yet I put it on backup power to keep talking. “Well, I don’t think anyone would mind….that kind of scenario.”
“But you liked it so much you couldn’t wait to cum to me at home….could you?”
No. And I couldn’t wait any more now either. Clearly, neither could she.
We both had the same idea as we came up to each other and started kissing. While we each had equal strength in it at first, the feel of her pouty red lips on mine and the feel of her body now close to me was enough to weaken mine. But I had the feeling that would be the point of this one.
So I wrapped my arms around Sofia’s curvy waist as I let her guide me to the nearest couch while we made out. I felt myself sitting down on the couch as I was more focused on licking her tongue and lips. Yet they broke and allowed me to open my eyes in time to see Sofia take off the shirt she was wearing, leaving her in jeans and a barely containing bra.
She then had her hands slide to my jeans, specifically my belt and zipper. I sat up just enough for her to slide my pants down once they were unbuckled, then sat back down when my underwear was exposed. At that point, Sofia used her hands on herself again to get her bra off.
But before I could get my first look at her double-D breasts, Sofia took them out of view. They returned to my viewpoint when I looked down and saw her take my cock out of my underwear; and then saw her put it inside her tits.
This was the second straight time that I got to tit-fuck a well endowed actresses, after not having the chance the first four times out. But I was able to last long with Kristen’s tits, whereas there was no chance I would contain myself in Sofia. “Wait, wait, I-“
Yet I barely had time to get out my warnings, as she squeezed her breasts even tighter over my cock. It seemed she wanted an early release with the way this was going, and within 10 more seconds, I was able to give it to her.
For the first time, I had cum in between an actress’s boobs; and perhaps the ones that were tied for the best in the business with Christina. Sofia got a spurt or two in her mouth and lips, but she angled it so the rest got on her upper chest and tits. The sight of my cum coating her giant chest and her tanned skin was about enough to make me shoot an extra load or two as well.
When I was done shooting, Sofia patted the cum on herself to help erase the evidence. “Jesus….if you wanted more….I can’t help you for a while…” I reminded her.
“I know. I wanted to get that fantasy and your first bit of cum out of the way now. You’ll just have to do other things until you’re ready to cum again.”
“Like?” I inquired as Sofia stood me.
“Making me cum is only fair, right?” I wouldn’t argue, especially as Sofia turned while she unbuckled her jeans. As such, she pulled them down and bent over to give me the full view of her panty-clad, ultra thick behind that I had imagined about all last week.
Eventually, she got the panties off as well as I leaned back on the arm of the couch. This inspired Sofia to walk up to me and place her crotch right into my face. With her standing over me, I got the cue and closed the gap between my face and her pussy.
I started working on the bottom of her opening, then quickly licked up to the top and started similar work up there. I wondered how far I should go, since if Sofia heard me while I was masturbating, who knew how many would hear her crying out in pleasure. I was lucky no one else was near me days ago, and there probably weren’t many people left at work now; yet her voice could carry much louder than mine.
I must have been lost in thought too long, since she roused me by thrusting her hips against my face. So I decided to take the noise risks by ear and get back to work. I even tempted it a bit more by placing my hands on her legs and moving them up to her supple hips. After a few moments, I brought them over to the back of her even shapelier ass.
I already knew how to caress and enjoy feeling an ass like this; and once again I was doing it while its owner was standing over me. If it worked on Christina, I ruled it was worth a try with Sofia, so I buried my face deeper into her pussy while grasping her full rump for all it was worth. Now Sofia was threatening to get loud again, yet considering the position I was in, I wasn’t going to stop and interrupt her.
“Oh, you like that big fat ass, eh?” Sofia called out.
“I wouldn’t call it that, but yeah,” I said right against her opening.
“Oh…oh I think I need to sit on it for a while,” she confessed. I sighed a bit; albeit against her to give her an extra jolt. But I would only be gone from her pussy for a second, so I finally moved my head back. “Okay, go on and sit.”
“No, you first. On your back would be nice.” This seemed less like a suggestion than one might think, but when she backed away from the couch, I conceded and laid on it on my back. That triggered her to walk back over, only to turn around before climbing onto my chest.
She was soon sitting down on my chest with her back turned, which gave me my first actual view of her naked backside. But it only lasted for a moment before she backed it up and had her entire behind and pussy hovering over my face. So it appeared she would be sitting on my face, which was one of the few sexual positions I hadn’t gotten to yet with actresses.
After another look at her ass; now impossibly bigger with it a few inches above me; I gazed back to her pussy for the first time in over a minute. My mouth missed it as well, and so did Sofia, as evident when she groaned as soon as I placed my tongue back on it.
Her right hand was gripping the top of the couch to help keep her steady, while her legs were lying on top of mine. All I had to do was sit on my back and keep my mouth and tongue working above, yet I still wanted to go above and beyond. My hands went back to holding her ass and catching it as it landed down on my face. However, it was time to use them to grab another sexy part of her.
I put my tongue solidly up her pussy, and waited to wiggle it until I had a finger from each hand placed on each side of her opening. Once I started licking her up, my fingers stroked the outer part of her pussy up and down as well. Soon my thumbs joined in and I started to lightly grasp both of her lips, opening them a bit wider to make more room for my tongue.
This made Sofia cry out in Spanish; which was probably for the best, since she did this often enough that it wouldn’t make anyone suspicious if they had heard her. Of course, she still sounded a bit orgasmic, but I couldn’t ask for her to cover herself up perfectly now. Especially since she seemed to be getting close to exploding.
“Oh, you make me cum down your throat! Do it now!” There would no mistaking that from outside, but I couldn’t be held responsible for not caring at the moment. With that, I set out to fulfill her wish by putting both my tongue and finger in her to wiggle around.
Soon their efforts were rewarded as she started to cum over me. It didn’t go directly down my throat like she asked, although a good deal got onto my lips and started to make its way down my mouth. But whatever didn’t go down, I tried to lick up as thoroughly as possible.
When that was finished, Sofia finally climbed off me so I could see something other than her ass and pussy again; which was a mixed blessing. After readjusting my eyes and licking the rest of her leftover juices off my lips, I turned my head to see that she was now sitting down beside the couch and me. I couldn’t see her ass anymore, but I was looking right at her satisfied face and her breasts were visible again, which was just as good of a sight.
I had to close my eyes again when she kissed me, yet I didn’t need eyesight to savor her other pair of juicy red lips on mine. Sofia soon moved those lips down my neck and chest while still sitting on the floor, so I opened my eyes once more to see her getting lower and lower down my body.
“Where are you going with those things?” I rasped out. “If they go lower, I won’t last that long.”