Modern Family parody. Porn Family

Modern Family parody. Porn Family

Modern Family: The Best Presents Ever (FF,inc,cons)
by Smrtguy85

In the Pritchett clan there was a tradition. Every time a son of daughter turns 18, they need to take out the whole family to celebrate. And when they say the whole family, they mean the whole family.

So when Alex Dunphy turned the required age of 18, she was forced to endure a night of not only her parents, Phil and Claire, her younger brother Luke and older sister Haley, her uncle Mitchell his partner Cameron and her adopted cousins Lily and Ryan, and her Grandfather Jay ,his wife Gloria and her son Manny, which by themselves are an embarrassing assembly of people to be out in public with for any extended period of time, but they also had to include other members of her family she didn’t see as often.

That was how Alex found herself sitting at a series of tables put together by the underpaid employees of the local Olive Garden, watching as her mom, Mitchell, Jay, Gloria and Jay’s ex-wife, Alex’s grandmother DeDe, argued on where it would be best for Alex to go to college, all of their opinions varied depending on how well or poorly they were getting along at the time.

Down the line, Luke was terrorizing Manny about the fact that, while Manny had lost some weight in the last few years, it would all eventually come back if he didn’t eat only lettuce and beans for the next 4 months. Alex had to wonder how such an enlightened and wise thinking guy such as Manny could be duped so easily by Luke’s pathetic lies, but there Manny was, pushing his plate of pasta away and trying to get the waiters attention so he could order a salad of beans.

 

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There at the end was her dad, trying to get Cam to compete in another arm-wrestling challenge, with his father Frank yelling out, “Eight-out-of-fifteen, son! Eight-out-of-fifteen!” All the while nobody noticed Lily throwing her bread crumbs at her brother’s face, who was fighting back with his peas.

They had only been in there for 10 minutes and already Alex wanted to move to some far away country and change her name.

Fortunately her saving grace came in the form of Haley, who, seemingly appearing on the spot next to her, asked her, “Want to get out of here?”

Alex wanted to throw her hands up to praise the lord in thanks, but instead restrained herself to just grabbing her purse, standing up and said, “God yes.”

“Mom!” Haley shouted over the symphony of her family’s shouting. The only way Alex knew her mom heard Haley was that her shouting tirade at her own mother dropped to a harsh lecture. “I’m taking Alex now!”

The only response she got was a quick wave, before getting back into the fray over whether Oxford or Harvard was a better school.

“They do know I don’t want to go to either, right,” Alex said as she and Haley hurried out of the restaurant, Alex apologizing profusely to every one she passed about her obnoxious family.

“Just be glad they’re talking about Ivy League schools,” Haley reassured her as they reached her car. “When I turned 18, they were arguing which was the best community college.”

They both laughed at the memory as Hayley pulled out of the parking lot.

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